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Forum "Korrekturlesen" - Short Story
Short Story < Korrekturlesen < Englisch < Sprachen < Vorhilfe
Ansicht: [ geschachtelt ] | ^ Forum "Korrekturlesen"  | ^^ Alle Foren  | ^ Forenbaum  | Materialien

Short Story: Frage (beantwortet)
Status: (Frage) beantwortet Status 
Datum: 22:56 Mo 01.03.2010
Autor: airam111

Aufgabe
Ich wäre euch so dankbar, wenn mir jemand diesen text korrekturlesen könnte. Wäre echt super =)

I was greatly surprised when there was a knock at my door and a hooded figure stood there. At the first moment, I thought of my annoying neighbour who visits me for the umpteenth time this day. But I was wrong. The hooded figure just stared at me with the total absence of sound. Suddenly, without warning, the figure jumped on me with a dreadful scream.
When I opened my eyes I could just notice darkness around me. My face was wet and sticky and felt a terrible beating in my head. I touched at my forehead cautiously and noticed a deep wound. Suddenly I remebered the strange hooded figure. Panic was rising inside of me. I started fumbling around in the dark with my hands and feet, trying to find out where I was. I realized that I was caught in a car trunk and screamed silently. I still don’t knew who the hooded figure was, but at this moment, I just wanted to get out of the trunk. I put my feet on the ceiling of the trunk and pushed, but nothing happened. Hectically, I put my feet on the ceiling again. With all my energy, I pushed again. Suddenly, the trunk lid moved a bit. Finally, after minutes of pushing, I managed to open the lid and looked out through the opening. The car was driving on a small street through a deserted area. I took all my courage and I jumped out of the driving car. Despite of throwing my hands up, I hit my head on the ground. For the second time, I felt a terrible beating in my head. Blood was splashing aroung me. I lift my head and looked in the direction of the car. I realized that it looks similar to one that I had a terrible, for one of my friends fatal, accident with. A moment later, just before everyting got dark for the last time, I realize who the hooded figure was.

        
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Short Story: Antwort
Status: (Antwort) fertig Status 
Datum: 00:19 Di 02.03.2010
Autor: metalschulze


> Ich wäre euch so dankbar, wenn mir jemand diesen text
> korrekturlesen könnte. Wäre echt super =)
>  I was greatly surprised when there was a knock at my door
> and a hooded figure stood there. At the first moment, I
> thought of my annoying neighbour who visits me for the
> umpteenth time this day. But I was wrong. The hooded figure
> just stared at me with the total absence of sound.
> Suddenly, without warning, the figure jumped on me with a
> dreadful scream.
>  When I opened my eyes I could just notice darkness around
> me. My face was wet and sticky and I felt a terrible beating

vlt. besser throbbing in my head?

> in my head. I touched at my forehead cautiously and noticed

I touched my forehead

> a deep wound. Suddenly I remembered the strange hooded
> figure. Panic was rising inside of me. I started fumbling
> around in the dark with my hands and feet, trying to find
> out where I was. I realized that I was caught in a car
> trunk and screamed silently. I still don’t knew who the

entweder still didn't know oder still don't know, da du aber berichtest, nimm
besser die erste Variante

> hooded figure was, but at this moment, I just wanted to get
> out of the trunk. I put my feet on the ceiling of the trunk
> and pushed, but nothing happened. Hectically, I put my feet
> on the ceiling again. With all my energy, I pushed again.
> Suddenly, the trunk lid moved a bit. Finally, after minutes
> of pushing, I managed to open the lid and looked out
> through the opening. The car was driving on a small street
> through a deserted area. I took all my courage and I jumped
> out of the driving car. Despite of throwing my hands up, I

besser In spite of throwing...

> hit my head on the ground. For the second time, I felt a
> terrible beating in my head. Blood was splashing aroung me.

around

> I lift my head and looked in the direction of the car. I

I lifted....and realized that it looked

> realized that it looks similar to one that I had a
> terrible, for one of my friends fatal, accident with. A
> moment later, just before everyting got dark for the last
> time, I realize who the hooded figure was.

...I realized...  Wenn du eine Erzählung schreibst immer in der gleichen Zeitform bleiben...
Ich hoffe ich hab alles gefunden :)

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Short Story: Mitteilung
Status: (Mitteilung) Reaktion unnötig Status 
Datum: 06:57 Di 02.03.2010
Autor: airam111

vielen vielen dank!! :)

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